In family law cases where domestic violence is a factor, short-term solutions like temporary supervised parenting or anger management courses are often used to manage the risks posed by an abusive parent. However, these measures are, by and large, insufficient to ensure long-term safety for the child. When the court determines that contact is in the child's best interest, long-term supervision should be seriously considered as a viable option and, in fact, is often the only measure that can ensure the ongoing safety of the child.
The Illusion of Safety in Supervised Parenting
Supervised parenting is viewed as a temporary measure, and most parents can demonstrate good behavior when they know they are being observed—especially when they are aware that the supervisor will be submitting influential reports. However, people tend to alter their behavior under observation, meaning that supervised parenting often highlights idealized behavior rather than what occurs in unsupervised settings.
This creates a false sense of security. Courts may assume that an abusive parent who behaves well under supervision is ready for unsupervised contact. However, those who use abusive behavior are often adept at managing impressions. Without thorough and ongoing assessments by a domestic violence expert that demonstrate genuine changes in accountability and responsibility, there is little reason to believe that this improved behavior will continue once supervision ends.
Supervised parenting is not a mechanism for change; it merely monitors behavior in a controlled environment. In addition, if the only "treatment" accompanying supervised parenting has been anger management, the confidence in this parent’s ability to parent safely is unwarranted.
The Shortcomings of Anger Management in Addressing Domestic Violence
Speaking of anger management, individuals who abuse others are seem to do a very good job controlling their anger when it serves their purpose, such as maintaining a calm demeanor in front of others or when the police arrive. Anger management is not the same as treatment for domestic violence and it does not address the calculated and controlled nature of abuse. This selective use of anger underscores the fact that domestic violence is a choice—a choice to exert power and control over an intimate partner and children, typically behind closed doors where it’s difficult to collect evidence. Confusing anger management and domestic violence treatment leads to ineffective interventions and places victims at greater risk.
Proper Treatment for Domestic Violence
Domestic violence is rooted in deeper issues, including gender dynamics and childhood trauma, with alcohol use, anxiety, and impulsivity often adding additional complexity. Domestic violence in an intimate partner relationship is a direct threat to the children in the household, and is highly linked to child maltreatment. Experts who treat domestic violence know this and understand that treatment for domestic violence requires much more than anger management training.
Accountability and the Challenge of Meaningful Change
In domestic violence treatment, there is a strong emphasis on accountability, with reporting on the level of responsibility and behavioral change. This is not a quick fix. Studies show that even among those who complete domestic violence treatment, one in five men do not make meaningful changes. Given the deep, entrenched issues underlying domestic violence, anger management in conjunction with short-term supervision, where ordered, do not provide adequate levels of assurance the children in question are safe.
The Challenges of Long-Term Supervision
But what about the problems of long-term supervision? Yes, long-term supervision has its drawbacks. It creates an unnatural environment where the parent-child relationship is always under scrutiny, potentially hindering its natural development. It can also limit opportunities for overnight parenting or certain outings, and the costs can be considerable, especially when professional supervision is required—a necessity in many cases. But let’s remember why long-term supervision is needed in the first place: the problem isn’t the supervision, it is the unsafe parenting—whether physical, emotional, psychological, or sexual—that necessitates this level of oversight to protect the well-being of the child.
Final Thoughts
In cases where domestic violence is a factor, the stakes are too high to rely on short-term solutions that offer only a veneer of safety. The risks to children and survivors demand a more robust approach—one that recognizes the deep, entrenched issues at play and addresses them with the seriousness they deserve. Long-term supervision, while not without its challenges, is often the only measure that can provide the necessary oversight to ensure the safety and well-being of the child, where the court determines contact is in the child’s best interest. It is time to move beyond superficial fixes and protect those who are most vulnerable by prioritizing long-term supervision in cases where it is warranted.
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